The Princess And The Newt Lyrics

As I was using a cocktail umbrella to clean out the crepes from under my nails,
Maureen dug in, ?evidence of absence is not
evidence of absinthe?
which meant I should know the difference between silver and tin,
which I do, so I stood up to dish it right back,
and predictably ?crack? - the wooden garnish now impaled so I resat.
?Coincidentally Chris, this is no coincidence?
that meant I should take the blame for every time I was late
so I began my list as I did every day
with a series of apologies that will never be seen,
I crumpled it up and i threw it at Maureen and I said,
?Next to your name there's a song you should know.?
She read what I wrote:
?Calling All Men Between The Ages of 22 and 40, Calling All Men Between The Ages.?
and with a sigh she began:
?Yes, if I recall the lyrics ran 'Oh please, massage my feet'?
and we fell back to sleep by 8:38.