The Alligator Song Lyrics

Everybody's getting cancer
At a geometrical rate
Maybe it's something you drank or breathed
Maybe it's something you ate
Perhaps this doesn't concern you
Hey, we've all gotta go sometime
But maybe I can tell you something
To make you change your mind

The alligator dicks are shriveling up
Soon they'll all be through
Yeah, the alligator dicks are shrinking fast
And it will happen to you
It will happen to you, boys
It will happen to you
The alligator dicks are shriveling up
And it will happen to you

They're an indicator species
Like canaries in the mine
They're the first to kick the bucket
When things might otherwise seem fine
So let's be frank and honest
As the situation begs
Boys, what are you gonna do
About that thing between your legs

The alligator dicks are shriveling up
Soon they'll all be through
Yeah, the alligator dicks are shrinking fast
And it will happen to you
It will happen to you, boys
It will happen to you
The alligator dicks are shriveling up
And it will happen to you

I'm not beating around the bush
I'm making you a promise
Say goodbye to Long Dong Silver
Hello to Tiny Thomas
You can forget about Viagra
Boys, what I mean is
It's all a matter of minutiae
When you've got a half-inch penis

The alligator dicks are shriveling up
Soon they'll all be through
Yeah, the alligator dicks are shrinking fast
And it will happen to you
It will happen to you, boys
It will happen to you
The alligator dicks are shriveling up
And it will happen to you

PCBs in the water
Pesticides in the ground
Radiation in the wind
There's poison all around
So if you care about your love life
And that good old whoop-de-doo
You've gotta stop pollution, boys
That's what I'm telling you

The alligator dicks are shriveling up
Soon they'll all be through
Yeah, the alligator dicks are shrinking fast
And it will happen to you
It will happen to you, boys
It will happen to you
The alligator dicks are shriveling up
And it will happen to you