Our American Cousin Lyrics

Well here we are, Ford Theater
Wow, this is pretty awesome
I don't know what this play is
But I don't really care
Cause oh my word I can't believe the president is here
I can't see him, but I know he's sitting up there

When Harper's Weekly runs his picture
I like to keep it
I like to tear it out
But my husband doesn't like it when I do this
Says he only has so much patience
And I might just wear it out

Now the play has started
But my head is somewhere else
The way he freed the slaves or something, that's so dreamy
I wonder what his view is like from way up in that box
If I turn in my seat this way, no maybe this way
He might see me

He'll be like who's that fetching beauty
And I'll wave and be like hi
And I'll run off with him and we'll have tons of babies
And we'll live in a log cabin and I'll stay home and brush his hair
And my husband here can...
What was that noise?

He's a tyrant and a crook
If you just take a closer look
You can see the lies just dripping from his mouth
He suffocated half the land
With his long and bony hand
He doesn't give a damn about the south

He robbed us all of house and home
And then he left us all alone
It is obvious the deed that must be done
Can't be trusted with the power
And now the clock has struck the hour
I act on the behalf of everyone

And I'll liberate my country
Unseat the despot
The old rule will vanish
I will turn the page of history
We'll get a new start...
Sic semper tyrannis! Ow my foot... geez

I don't like this play
All the actors stink
And the laughs are cheap
I've been out all day
I just want to eat
I just want to sleep

Its my second term
Its a fragile peace
Hope it stays around
My resolve is firm
I have made this bed
Now I must lie down

My nation has come a long way
And today our many states may stand united
It was a heavy price we had to pay
And I hope our efforts don't go unrequited
Time has not been kind, we lost thousands of boys
I lost two of my own

North and South combined
In an orgy of violence like none we have known
Such a war was fought
Brothers fought against brothers on my command
But was it for naught
When the slaves are all free in a more perfect land

My first term went by so fast
And so far I'm thankful for the years I've had
The war is now in the past
And this play really isn't half bad...