Never Laid Lyrics

She said spin the bottle
I said I never played
She said for me to fondle
I said I've never been laid
And I had to look into her face
When I told her I had never reached first base

And in my dreams
The girl I told this to would scream
And the whole world would know
I'm not real cool
I'm a big fool
I tend to drool
A bit when I'm sleeping and I show
A little desire to go
Tee-tee in the sheets
Every now and then
Take another spin?

She told me to get lost
I said I wanna stay
She told me to back off
Move to the everglades
And when I look into her face
It's apparent I'm not getting past first base

And this has happened a thousand times
Every time worse in my own mind
And it builds up
Til its enough
To fill up
The world's biggest cup
For the world's greatest grandpa
One thing I can't be
If I never get any...
Not even in my dreams