High-Five The Cactus Lyrics

Let me introduce you to a cactus named High-Five
You won't find a kinder, gentler, nicer succulent alive
The only problem was he loved to give high-fives
And the needles on his hands were sharp as Oriental knives
All the animals would laugh as they walked by
And they'd make fun of him and kick up rocks and dust into his eyes
And even though the cowboy never joined in
He's just standin' there watchin' with some whiskey and a grin
After years of torment, poor High-Five gave up
He just stood there on the ranch collecting water in his gut
And then a dry spell hit the ranch for 7 years
And I bet you couldn't guess who came up sobbing and in tears...

Dear High-Five, we're sorry
And our well is dry
Dear High-Five, we're thirsty
To which High-Five replied....

Don't you cry
I'll let you take and eat my arm
If you can promise not to do me harm
I don't want my friends to starve
So go to the toolshed and bring the saw
Bring the whiskey and a rag that you want
You look parched so let's get this done
And so they praised High-Five, his sacrifice
Would save all of their lives...

(Kazoo solo)

And so they hacked up every inch of his left arm
And the animals and cowboy, they drank with disregard
And no sooner after all their tongues were wet
All the animals and cowboy started teasing him again
At this High-Five let out a bellow of a laugh
He said 'My friends, I'd hoped you'd all be less predictable than that
Cuz I made a pact with all the buzzards and the rats
If they'd feed me all the poison they could find in that there shack
There'd be plenty of twitching carcasses around
For I have poisoned all my juices to destroy this little town
Say your prayers as your eyesight fades away
And prepare to be the main course of a scavenger's buffet...