David Cameron Lyrics

Poor Dave, poor Dave

Three months ago his life was a soufflé

Poor Dave, poor Dave

Number ten was just a Miliband away

He banded words with Tony, kissed a baby, stroked a dog

Washed up for the WebCameron, and fessed up on his blog

Waited, gleaming pink, to take on Brown

But suddenly the greasy poles went down

You expect a big green medal,

As off to work you pedal

But that's not the picture chosen for the news

For behind you there's a Lexus

Using half the oil in Texas

With your sandwiches, your cell phone and your shoes

Oh it really isn't easy being Dave

You have to be so very, very brave

Each unheralded event is making him less compos mentis

Than a newly fired apprentice, poor old Dave!

If, alas, you went to Eton,

Be as quiet as Buster Keaton

When they talk of education, education

If you mention shutting grammars

They'll attack with special hammers

And shout two words; one ?off?, one ?fornication?

It really isn't easy being Dave

For politics is more than a close shave

I would rather be called smelly,

Or throw beans made out of jelly

At a cricketer from Delhi than be Dave!

William Hague's prospects are sunken,

Nobody remembers Duncan-Smith,

David Davis hasn't got the knack,

You've defeated Michael Howard

But you still don't feel empowered,

Every sunset you're afraid that he'll come back

It really isn't easy being Dave

When your predecessor may rise from the grave

Every night's another gamble

(Yes I know I start to ramble)

But I'd rather be Menzies Campbell than be Dave!

So in search of propaganda,

You head of to Rwanda,

While England feels ignored beneath the flood

And the disappointed Tories,

Still obsessed by former glories,

Load their shotguns, start baying for your blood

Oh, it really isn't easy being Dave

Leading not so much a party, more a rave

Full of members who harrang 'em,

And then flog 'em, and then hang 'em

I would rather be Chris Langham than be Dave!

Oh it really isn't easy being Dave

It's not a job that any of us craves

I would rather drown in slurry

Sleep with Edwina Currie

Even be a cow in Surrey than be Dave!

Poor Samantha, she must worry

His replacement (don't all hurry!)

I would rather be anyone but Dave!

Oh I'm glad that I'm not Dave!