Boarding House Lyrics

Uncle Joe used to throw harpoons from a whaler's ship
He's got sailor's stubble and he's proud of it
He makes a lot of noise for someone so small
You can hear from the kitchen when he's out in the hall
When he gets to drinking he drinks early to late
He's got a whiskey coloured liver and his farts intoxicate
He's not a broken man he's just always on the mend
If you've got a dollar he'll know all your friends

Uncle Dick made his living off of other folk's lives
Keeps a rolled up newspaper for to kill house flies
Never heard him whistle but he curses out loud
Plays checkers by himself cause two's a crowd
They say he had a woman who took another man
I guess that's her picture on his nightstand
He goes to bed early, some nights I pray with him
He's already waiting for the lord's salvation

And nobody knows it but me
But I've made my plans to leave
Gonna do like so many have done before
Try to find a life worth living for

Uncle Sid lives in bed and he pisses in a pot
The doctor wouldn't tell me what it is he's got
Some days he makes jokes some days he don't
But for all the pain he's in I've never heard him moan
He gets letters from Spain every once in a while
And even though he reads them he never replies
Everybody says he's on the way out
That's his favourite thing of all to joke about