Bishop Lyrics

(ethereal music)

Bishop [of Leicester] (Michael Palin): It is the dawn of time. This earth we know so well is a smoldering, inhospitable wilderness. No plants grow; no creature can survive. The hard, implacable rocks that form our mountain ranges are being crushed and folded by forces which will take millions of years to shape them.
These are the forces! This is the power that drives the hand that drinks "Treadmill", the mighty lager, with the world's first great taste of fish!

(Music stops. The recording engineer (Eric Idle) in his booth is heard over a speaker)

Engineer: Bishop, don't say "of fish".

Bishop: Pardon?

Engineer: Don't say "of fish" at the end. It doesn't mean anything.

Bishop: Ah, no, I see, fine. No "of fish". Right!

Engineer: Just go from "these are the forces".

Bishop: Right.

Engineer: I'll give you a green.

Bishop: What?

Engineer: I'll give you a green light.

Bishop: Oh, right, thank you! (Music starts again) These are the forces! This is the power that drives the band that drinks...

Engineer: Hand!

Bishop: Of course! Sorry! Sorry! Can't think what came over me!

Engineer: Well, start again.

Bishop: What?

Engineer: We'll start again, bishop. Same place.

Bishop: Oh, right. These are the forces! This is the power that drives the hand that drinks "Treadmill", the mighty lager, with the world's first great taste of fish! (music stops abruptly) Oh, damn! Sorry! Sorry!

Engineer: All right, just a moment.

Bishop: I'm terribly sorry, I remembered the hand, but forgot the...

Engineer: Yes, yes, that's all right. John, can we edit out the "of fish"?

John: Yeah.

Engineer: Good. That's fine, thank you, bishop.

Bishop: All right, is it? Good. Terribly sorry about the silly slip. I don't know what came over me.

Engineer: Who is he?

Man (Graham Chapman): Bishop of Leicester, I think.

Engineer: Well, why couldn't we get Bath and Wells?

Man: He's doing frozen peas for Nigel.

Engineer: Lucky bastard! He's so good.

Man: Have you seen the Bishop of Worcester? Marvelous! He did an entire Snippety Dippety gift catalog promo on one ski!

Engineer: Really? Sshh! Here she comes.

Bishop: Ah, how was it? All right?

Engineer: Marvelous!

Man: Excellent!

Bishop: Doctrinally a bit of a mess.

Engineer: Sorry?

Bishop: Well, all that stuff about the dawn of time and the rocks developing over millions of years, you know, not quite A-1 theory with our lot, you know?

Engineer: It's only a commercial.

Bishop: Oh, yes, yes, of course, course, I'm not criticizing. It's just, uhm, well...I mean, uh, not quite the Creation as we see it.

Engineer: Well, good-bye.

Bishop: Good, good, fine, and the...and the check will be...

Engineer: ...with your agent on Tuesday.

Bishop: Marvelous! Marvelous! Thank you so much! Oh, and sorry about the "of fish". You'd be able to remove that, will you?

Engineer: Yes, we can remove that.

Bishop: Oh, good. Wonderful what you can do nowadays, eh?

Engineer: Yes, indeed!

Bishop: Well, toodle pip!