The Hero Of Rhyme Lyrics

Link (Arin):
"Aw yeah.
It's me, Link again, baby.
That's right I'm back!
Last time I quested for Zelda I got a little off track.
But now my confidence is at an all-time high
Because Navi just anointed me the 'Hero of Rhyme!'"

Navi (Dan):
"I said the 'Hero of Time!'"

Link (Arin):
That's right the Hero of Rhyme!
I don't need no sword or shield I'm gonna be just fine.

Navi (Dan):
Hey, listen I think-

Link (Arin):
Shhh.
I've got my beats and jams!
I'm taking Ganon down now,
No thanks to you, Old Man!

Old Man (Dan):
What?!

Villager (Dan):
Link, thank God you're here, the countryside is terrified and shocked!
We're overrun with darknuts, peahats, leevers, gels, and octorocks!
You're our hero of the ages with a sword and helping hand!
We really need your skills!

Link (Arin):
Oh you need my skills?
Aw damn!
Moblins: no problem and octorocks don't know poppycock!
Gotta get that Triforce tomorrow, but first I gotta do my pop and lock!
When I see an iron knuckle imma buckle up my pants
Cuz those bitches don't fuck around when I kick on my Z-target dance!
But see, with me, I've gotta find a different way to defeat.
Don't use my sword and shield but I know this flow is good enough to kill.
The Hylian people rejoice: cuz your hero is the illest mothafuckin' rapper with the illest fuckin' voice!
How was that?
Those raps do anything for you?

Villager (Dan):
OH GOD EVERYONE IS DEAD!

Link (Arin):
Moving right along to Ganon's underground layer.

Villager (Dan):
EVERYTHING'S ON FIRE!

Link (Arin):
Don't worry, I'm not scared.
I'll save all of Hyrule with the tastiest rhymes I can spare.
Now watch and learn, Navi!

Navi (Dan):
You're a stupid piece of shit!

Link (Arin):
Wanna go Ganon? Get your pig-ass over here and try me!
Just ignore the burning hellscape that's collapsing in behind me.
You have never seen a rapper close to my skills whatsoever!
Oh I see you brought a giant glowing sword.
That's cool, whatever.
Cuz, hey!
I'm gonna be the last thing you see when you lose against me here in the ruins of the city.
Yeah, ah! No bigger battle than here cuz by the time you swing your sword I'm gonna-
Oh!
Woah.
Chill out!
Gotta fill out this sword was born for a partner who can, maybe, I don't know, come out and help me out in a real bout!

Navi (Dan):
Hey listen, link!
Your rapping doesn't stink, but Ganon's standing right there with a giant sword-

Link (Arin):
Ooooooohh.
Ooooohh.
Tsssss.
Ooohh.

(Thanks to Kelly Brabec for these lyrics)