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Soundtrack: I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change Title: Always A Bridesmaid Well, I've walked down the aisle As much as Liz Taylor But I've always stood off to the side Each bride has me dressed In a gown I detest Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. For Caitlin, I wore satin Which I looked really fat in. Then again, you should have seen her man Ken; All those calories he logged up Til his arteries clogged up He died on the couch watching ESPN. Too many weddings, too many dresses That all make my hips look so wide. Not a gown I'd reuse Ditto the matching shoes; Always a bridesmaid Never a bride. For Tabitha, I wore taffetta You should never people laugh at ya But I had a hunch her marriage was doomed. The groom tried to stroke me While we danced the Hokey Pokey They divorced before the honeymoon. Once my gown was velourish Made me look kind of whorish But my best friend Delores Was never quite same She shot her new mister Cuz he bedded her sister He's not dead, but now he walks like John Wayne. Too many weddings, too many dresses, That all make my hips look so wide My friends can't assess A man or a dress Always a bridesmaid Never a bride. When I look in my closet, There's a rainbow deposit Of gowns so grotesque that I groan All those husbands are gone, But those dresses live on, Even moths seem to leave them alone. Too many weddings, too many messes But at least I've hung on to my pride. I've lived life alone, but the terms are my own. Always a bridesmaid, (thank you Lord!) Never a bride! Back to the I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change Soundtrack |