Seaside Shenanigans Lyrics

Welcome to Blackpool
Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be

A week at the coast is all you need
For your Visa card maxed, all your inabitions freed
Blackpool is the town, where the madness never stops
With the grubbiest food, and the tackiest shops

A jumbo stick of rock, for only £3.10
A huge inflatable cock, or your name on a pen
Fish and chips for tea, and then half a dozen lagers
And all the kids are laughing at the drunken fathers.

Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be
Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be

Speaking of seaside towns, you ever been to Scarborough?
Last time I went to Scarborough
I met this girl called Barbara
She was sat down by the harbour
Eating chips and smoking Marlboro
We went for a drink that night
Things sparked up when she asked for a light
Talking as you do
Start to flirt when you've both had a few

I gazed into her eyes
We had our hands on each others thighs
It's 12 o'clock already, it's amazing how time flies
I walked her home down a cobbled road
And she let me come inside, the wine was poured
Comversation flowed and we'd nothing left to hide
She turned down the lights and slipped off her tights
The candlelight made it romantic
No words needed speaking, the floorboards were creaking
In the end it was really quite frantic
There were no time for passion, and in quite a rude fashion
She left me to sleep on the floor
She crept off to bed, left the romance for dead
I felt like I'd been with a whore


Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be
Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be

At sunrise the seagulls were singing
And the bastards made sure I'd been woken
The taste in my mouth were quite minging
And it felt like my back had been broken
I started to feel quite suspicious
So I went and knocked on the door
The look that she gave me was quite vicious
She didn't seem so nice anymore
I scarbered downstairs, I didn't know what to do
A man followed down and said "who the fuck are you?"
But he gave me a coffee and a slice of his toast
And asked how I knew Barbara and why I was at the coast
I said "I met her last night, we had a drink by the pier"
He slurped on his coffee and looked at me queer
I said I felt quite confused, like I'd been used
I made a joke about her tits but he didn't look too amused
I saw the ring on his finger and feared for my life
I said "how do you know Barbara?" he said "Barbara's my wife"

Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be
Bright lights, laddered tights
Drunken fights and runaway kites
Endless fun and sights to see
With donkey rides and brides to be

Needless to say I've never been back
My nose were left bleeding, and my eyes were both black
I threw all me clothes on and then bolted outside
I looked up at Barbara, I can see why she lied
Nevermind I can always go to Blackpool next year