Surprise You're Gay Lyrics

Theres nothing wrong with being queer
But youve been telling us youre straight for 20+ years
Me and the other guys, we all got to talkin
we dont understand the flip flops you walk in
You have sex with a chick, but talk with a lisp
Your shirt is so tight, it makes you limp in the wrist
So tell us is it really a woman you want to kiss?
Putting on your Kiwi Strawberry chap stick
Its not wrong, but it sure as hell isnt right
When you are at a Sports bar sipping Diet Sprite
Ordering a salad with the dressing on the side
like this one big marching parade of pride
To me thats GAY, spelled with a Capital G
When youre downloading the new Kelly Clarkson CD
Its so easy to see, you dont even need spectacles
Why we, secretly, think you teabag testicles

I think you might be gay if you are than thats ok
Even your parents knows deep inside theres a closet where you hide

Please excuse me if I am being a little blunt
But even your girlfriend knows that shes a front
And you cover it up worse than a Republican
or Anderson Cooper on C. N. N.
Im not trying to offend, rather truly be a friend
Youre at the tanning salon almost every weekend
and is just a little hard for us to comprehend
Why you separately shampoo and condition
Our suspicion is you want to ride the bone pony
But first you want to taste Man Bologna
Then go to Broadway, pick up a Tony
Then maybe your balloon knot wouldnt be so lonely
Not that anything would be wrong with that
When youre clearly gay, but straight is how you act
Wed still be your friend, even if you dont like vag
Youd prefer a meat whistle for your rusty sheriffs badge

I think you might be gay if you are than thats ok
Even your parents knows deep inside theres a closet where you hide
Its probably not a shock all your friends think you like cock
We just thought that you should know so you can find a man to blow

(Surprise) If you get your eyebrows waxed
(Youre Gay) You must want your fudge packed
(Surprise) If you polos collars popped
(Youre Gay) You must want your cornhole rocked
(Surprise) your new haircut suggests you crave wang
(Youre Gay) any man with bangs wants to get banged
(Surprise) My friend you are flaming out of control
(Youre Gay) So please just Stop, Drop and Roll