Big Balls Phone Calls Lyrics

Mozart wrote sick shit and called it Le Buttfuck
Salvador Dalí said my words are a truck
I talked to Stephen King, he said "Give me your autograph"
Motherfuckers need to know 'bout the one true polymath

Playin' Monopoly I'm always the top hat
Tappin' store clerks on the side of the shoulder pad, askin'
Where the drinks at?
Where the drinks at?
Where the drinks at, my mouth is dry

I'm the Lee Harvey Oswald of eatin' pie
Had a plot to kill the president when he was a white guy
Didn't carry it out 'cause I would've got capped
and if I wanted to get shot for Bush I would have gone to Iraq and Afghanistan
That's not the plan-istan
Honey I Shrunk the Country starring Rick Moranis-tan

I'm makin' big balls phone calls
I'm makin' big balls phone calls

I'm makin' big balls phone calls, give me the handset
Askin' Ted Strickland for serious transit
Not directly, I left him a voicemail, and said
"This is 2010. Where the hell is the light rail and street cars, or the weed bars?"
Hit pound and dialed NPR, because it's "paid for by viewers like me."
(That's PBS.) Oh.

I'm makin' big balls phone calls
I'm makin' big balls phone calls