Ace Troubleshooter biographyAce Troubleshooter LyricsSource: http://www.acetroubleshooter.com/theband/index.shtml As was his habit, little Johnny Two-Shoes, fresh out of 10th grade, attended his church's annual summer camp in Grantsburg, WI. Now John, known by close friends as "John," was one rare gem of a teenager, in that he won the Tour de France (while overcoming polio) and synthesized his own hydrogen-sulfur compound to make artificial eyes, without which he was born. That week at camp he served as coordinating supervisor, cook, ping-pong referee, chef, dispenser of herblore, and supervising coordinator, a task not recommended for the faint of heart. Drummer Josh had been forced by his youth pastor to play drums for summer camp because of a sour deal involving Iranian arms and five-card draw. And angry he was. This was a searching time in Josh's life. He had been mixing with the wrong crowd at school, and Zeno's paradox held him in its grip. But as he drummed at the camp, God met him where he was at, and John, already a Christian, was there to watch this affable 6'4'' all-state football player of a drummer turn his life around. They met and quickly became fast friends, although to this day John still doesn't know Josh's last name. Seizing an opportunity as rare as the sighting of Hale-Bopp, John asked Josh if he would like to start a talent show band. Sweet-breathed Josh consented, and on that day was born Ace Troubleshooter, band of the gods. The only thing missing was the rest of the band. Well, reader be assured, it was no easy task to secure someone in the bass department. The Troubleshooters went through dozens of mediocre bass players, including African shaman, Eskimos, pro body-builders, neo-pirates, some Les Claypool guy, Indian hypnotists, and one Frenchman claiming divinity. It was actually several years before they met up with Ben Dukes, a local boob. John and Josh recognized his talent as he played his nightly concert to the ducks, and so brought him into the Ace Troubleshooter "Circle of Trust". Guitarists are easy to find. Usually one need only go to a street corner waving a fiver and a Guitar Center "BLOWOUT SALE!!" postcard to get them flocking by the dozens. However, finding one with a keen intellect and southern style is not so easy. There were many rocks the guys had to look under til they found Isaiiac Deacon, but when they did they clicked like a Colt .45 and shot off twice as fast. So forgetting what was behind, and straining toward what was ahead, Isiaaaich pressed on to achieve unknown status in the form of Member of Ace Troubleshooter. Things were going fine until Isssaaci announced he would be leaving to do what he'd always dreamed of doing: namely, diamond-diving off the coast of Africa with some childrens' ministry on the side. However, after nine months of diving and puppet shows, he realized this prospect wasn't nearly as lucrative as he had speculated, nor were there as many Iasiiacc-crazy girls, so he decided it was in his best interest to win his way back into the band with much g roveling and PS2 games. He picked the right games, and the rest, as they say, is history. |