Baby Lyrics

my lady gives birth today,
i run to her room right away,
she smiles with glee then hands her to me,
i look at my newborn and say...

damn thats an ugly baby!
damn thats an ugly-ass baby!
im feeling quite concerned,
my semen must have turned,
damn thats an ugly baby...

this is just what i feared,
her head is mishappen and weird,
she's skinny like a twig,
at least her nuts are big,
but her hair color doesnt match her beard...

damn thats an ugly baby!
goddamn thats an ugly-ass baby!
i give the doc a smack and say,
cant you stuff her back in,
damn thats an ugly baby...

and when she smiles i find,
shea mcgowan comes to mind,
it makes me want to cry,
when i look into her good eye,
i always wanted kids,
is it wrong to hope for SIDS?

then the doctor calls me in,
mr. lynch, she has a twin...

damn thats a good lookin baby!
one for two on the good lookin babies,
i almost start to weep,
now this one we can keep,
cause that was an ugly ass baby

damn thats an ugly baby,
damn thats an ugly ass baby
damn thats an ugly baby
damn thats an ugly baby

(i said damn damn damn! i wanna throw that shit in the dumpster)

well shes got one good tooth and one ear and one eye,
and thank god just one nose but its on her left thigh,
the thought of changing her diaper each day,
or powdering her ass with that tail in the way,
i think i could get a good price on ebay...

i dont want any ugly baby,
i said damn thats an ugly baby,
damn thats an ugly baby...